You'd never guess from the smiles

Thailand is the 'Land of Smiles'. But today God was showing me the brokenness just under the surface, His desperation for the lost ones around me. My heart grieved as one after another, I saw brokenness unfold through my day.
A woman whose Facebook profile is more important to her than real life. It is built on lies, she is broken about her reality of poverty and lack.
A girl who sheds crocodile tears and weaves stories to get her own way. Her father has a mistress his daughter's age.
A young boy of 10 whose broken heart burned with anger against his mother. She didn't have time to make sure he showered for the past 4 days. He felt he should be beaten for his behaviour.
You'd never guess from the smiles.

First, a wedding. What could possibly be sad at a wedding? The bride was a nominal Christian, the groom a folk Buddhist. The teenage couple already had a child. Yesterday the wedding party spent all day with a spirit medium, asking what demands the evil spirits would make, doing all that they could to appease them. Today the wedding ceremony was to take place. The Pastor had spent the past 3 nights sleepless, wondering how to conduct such a ceremony in good conscience before God, where evil spirits were being openly worshipped by one party while the other wanted to do 'the right thing'. If he didn't conduct a Christian ceremony, they would bow down only to demons on their wedding day.

The ceremony began at the bride's home. Outside, she had to serve whiskey to the groomsmen, which was downed in one, to loud cheering and applause. The father of the bride (not a believer) was already quite drunk at 9 am, the groom's party not far off. The Christian wedding ceremony then took place inside the house, the groom's mother in floods of tears, heart broken over her teenage son rushing into marriage and fatherhood. The ceremony was touching. The groom's friends and villagers ate and drank outside. "What's taking so long?!" someone shouted mid-way through.
55 000 Baht was given as the customary gift from the groom's parents to the bride's. They wanted it to be 80 000 but hadn't had time to save up for it. The ceremony complete, blaring loudspeakers signalled the drunken street party had resumed. I asked myself, what union does the kingdom of light have with the kingdom of darkness? I was reminded of the kings of Judah and Israel, compromising the worship of the Most High God by worshipping other gods, and us likewise worshipping our own thoughts on what is right or wrong, or permissible. And I felt Father weep over His children.

As soon as we returned from the wedding, my friend Mot called - her sister had been killed in a car accident. She was my age, I had just met her yesterday. Shock and tears were all my friend had, while trying frantically to juggle all the phonecalls, demands, decisions to organise the funeral and get paperwork in order. Her sister had not been a believer, and neither was the wider family. Mot, the only believer in the family grieved hard. She knew her sister was gone and the funeral would do nothing to change her fate now. I stayed with her a few hours, as people drifted in and out. Just yesterday we had been sharing with her aged grandparents, thinking Grandad didn't have long to live. Today we were confronted with the brevity of life itself, no matter how old we are. "All I can say is, I need to love people more. I need to love people while I can, because you never know when time will run out", she said.

Finally, I went to the market to buy some things and walk around to relax a little. I met two ladies while looking at some Thai silk. In a few minutes, one of them revealed she was worried about her 15 year old daughter who had got lost. She ran away from home 3 days ago after being beaten by her father. They've heard nothing from her and have no idea where she is. Her mother is a battered wife - all 6 children suffer at the hands of the father. I prayed with her, we wept. So did Father God.

On days like this, the world seems to cave in. There is just too much brokenness. Much of it is within the church. Those outside are even worse off. I know Jesus is the healer, and He lives in me. But the darkness can sometimes be deafening.

Soil season

26 And he said, “The kingdom of God is as if a man should scatter seed on the ground.27 He sleeps and rises night and day, and the seed sprouts and grows; he knows not how. 28 The earth produces by itself, first the blade, then the ear, then the full grain in the ear. 29 But when the grain is ripe, at once he puts in the sickle, because the harvest has come.” Mark 4:26-29 

It is one of life's mysteries. New life springs up seemingly by itself, from a miniscule seed. I listened to a sermon on these verses (see link below), and it seemed to sum up this season I find myself in. As I near the end of one year here in Surin, it seems like so much has happened, my processing machine is still catching up... yet there are almost no visible results. Maybe that is what the seed feels like when it has been buried in the ground. 

"It takes faith to sow, and faith to reap, but what takes most faith is to stay buried in the soil of uncertainty, and keep growing - to believe that the purpose is still working out, even when the process is invisible". (Steven Furtick) I can certainly attest to this truth. I have had much experience in scattering, and in harvesting. Those stages are fun, exciting, there is a lot to write home about. But what about when you're in the soil stage? To the seed, it feels like death. All is dark, nothing seems to be happening, nothing can be done to speed it up. For the more 'driven' seeds like me, this is unbearable! You mean you want me to do nothing? Pray and rest and wait? God's time? WHAT?! Can I sign on to a different program? 

Yet, there can be no harvest without the soil stage. In this stage, the seed discovers the beauty of divine design. Turns out, the seed is well provided for and well protected. The seed consists of 3 parts - an embryonic plant, stored food and a protective seed coat. All it needs has been given already. It still needs water, but it is helpless to provide this itself. This need is met from above. The seed coat protects it from all kinds of damage - physical, temperature related and water. In fact what looks like nothing and feels like death is actually a bulletproof bunker. It is a densely packed nutrient bomb, exploding with life. 

For a driven seed like me, my biggest challenge in the soil stage is my involvement. When divine design means a wait,  He has His reasons and I must learn to respect them. I know I am not alone in wanting to speed things up, take back control. 

Waiting however, doesn't mean we stop scattering seed. Satan doesn't take days off, and neither does the Holy Spirit. I love how James Fraser put it, "As long as it is day, the people of God need to be up and doing to the limit of the strength which God supplies. On the other hand, we cannot fret souls into the Kingdom of Heaven. The seedlings God had planted would grow better under His open sky than under our feverish effort."

Our challenge as people of faith is to synchronise our faith with God's schedule. Indeed, the seed is still on schedule! 

(For the full sermon by Steven Furtick, from which most of these thoughts are taken, visit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0GMK4fVnUUQ ) 

More than food

Are you hungry for more of God?   ...Have you ever tried fasting?
This week I ate manna.  Okay, not literally, but I did experience that it is possible to live, in fact thrive on spiritual food alone. Contrary to how we feel when we sit in front of a Sunday roast, the body is more than food! Fasting means giving up a craving of the body for a deeper need of the spirit.

After some nudges from the Lord, I decided to try an extended fast for the first time.  No, I am not a Christian superhero, I am actually a pretty pathetic faster. I have done it usually for one day at a time, and felt so hungry I counted down to midnight and raided the fridge when the clock struck 12. And that is if I made it to midnight at all... If I was breaking the fast at dinner time, I even found it hard to stick to a time - everything is negotiable when hunger pangs strike! 

But I heard that after day 3 you stop feeling hungry, and the rewards Isaiah 58 describes are so much greater than the sacrifice of food. Besides, I have wanted so long to really mean what I say to God, that I want more of Him, to have Him working on my behalf, to hear His voice and see through His eyes. So I committed to a longer fast. It was a significant week, important decisions had to be made and I wanted God's heart on it. 

Day 1 was not too bad. I knew I had a lot more days in front of me and so I didn't think about food. 

By day 2, my housemate had joined me! She had never fasted in her life, but now she felt God was leading her to a 3 day fast. This made things much easier! 

Day 3 was a struggle. I felt tired and lethargic. We had to take things easy in terms of activity level this week, to make sure we could sustain the fast. Incredibly, after day 3, I really did stop feeling hungry. I drank a lot of water and sometimes diluted fruit juice, and I felt almost completely normal!

For my housemate, the motivation was spiritual refreshment. She got more than she bargained for! During her fast, God gave a word of knowledge to a pastor at church about some inner healing issues in my friend's heart. She was able to receive freedom from years of pain, and newness of life in place of wounds and scars.

As for me, not only did 3 others start fasting as a result of my decision (and got blessed beyond their wildest expectations), but I saw God move on my behalf in a miraculous way. He orchestrated events around me to lead me in ways I had not known. Just as in Jeremiah 33:3 "Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known." 

And so as I draw to the end of my fast, I wonder why this incredible gift is so ignored in most of our lives. Even secular wisdom says fasting does miracles for the body. Not to mention fasting being a theme throughout the Bible and Jesus teaching us what do when we fast, not if (Matthew 6). Given the physical benefits of fasting and the spiritual breakthroughs it can bring accompanied by prayer (Matthew 17:21 ~ some kinds of deliverance only come through prayer and fasting), why has fasting become an optional extra in Christian circles? 

I challenge you to try it. Be wise in how you fast, how long and what purpose you choose to fast for. Read up on how you prepare for it and come out of it, and try it. You will not be disappointed. As of now, I want to make fasting a regular discipline in my life. I'm impatient - and it gets me wonderful results in a short time! If you try it, let me know in the comments. And may God blow the roof off your spiritual life. 

Standing my ground

Though times it seems like I'm coming undone
This walk can often feel lonely
No matter what until this race is won
I will stand my ground where hope can be found 
~ Lyrics from Lauren Daigle's song, 'O Lord'. 

There has been a battle for hope here this month. What does it mean for you to stand your ground where hope can be found? For me it has meant clinging to God's Word as TRUTH.  I once read these 5 points of what it means to believe God:

God is who He says He is. 
God can do what He says He can do. 
I am who He says I am. 
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. 
I believe God. *

Numbering them off on my fingers, this month more than most, I have had to put these to work.
Although Satan's mind games are (literally) the oldest tricks in the book, he still uses them because they work. It takes discernment and an exercise of the will towards faith to combat them. Because often what we see, hear or feel is not the truth. I have found myself caught up in floods of thoughts that are not my own, but in fact from the pit. It has pushed me back to the Word, to stand my ground on the Truth, so I don't drown in the false accusations, condemnation and discouragement that come as insidious little thoughts but snowball in minutes. My answers have come from Isaiah 49:
 He said to me, ‘You are my servant,    Israel, in whom I will display my splendour.’

But I said, ‘I have laboured in vain; I have spent my strength for nothing at all.Yet what is due to me is in the Lord’s hand, and my reward is with my God.’ (Isa 49:3,4)


Being the month of the Thai New Year (Water festival), it was a month of more sacred rituals and ceremonies than the rest of the year. From all outward appearances, this is enemy territory. He seems to have a tight grip on the hearts and minds of Thai people. Yet we trust the Word of God because that is the TRUTH: 

This is what the Sovereign Lord says:

‘See, I will beckon to the nations, I will lift up my banner to the peoples; they will bring your sons in their arms
    and carry your daughters on their hips...

Then you will know that I am the Lord;
    those who hope in me will not be disappointed.’

 Can plunder be taken from warriors,
    or captives be rescued from the fierce?

But this is what the Lord says:

‘Yes, captives will be taken from warriors,
    and plunder retrieved from the fierce;
I will contend with those who contend with you,
    and your children I will save.

(Isa 49:22-25)

This is His people, He is sovereign, He is building His kingdom here and the gates of hell will not stand against it. Holding on to this, believing it despite everything, means standing my ground where hope can be found.

What has 'standing your ground' meant for you? Leave a comment to share the encouragement! 

* From Believing God, by Beth Moore

A future not our own

My theodicy includes dancing

It helps now and then to step back and take a long view.

The Kingdom is not only beyond our efforts,

it is beyond our vision.

We accomplish in our lifetime only a fraction

of the magnificent enterprise that is God's work.

Nothing we do is complete, which is another way of

saying that the kingdom always lies beyond us.

No statement says all that could be said.

No prayer fully expresses our faith. No confession

brings perfection, no pastoral visit brings wholeness.

No program accomplishes the Church's mission.

No set of goals and objectives include everything.

This is what we are about. We plant the seeds that one

day will grow. We water the seeds already planted

knowing that they hold future promise.

We lay foundations that will need further development.

We provide yeast that produces effects

far beyond our capabilities.

We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of

liberation in realising this.

This enables us to do something, and to do it very well.

It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning,

a step along the way, an opportunity for the Lord's

grace to enter and do the rest.

We may never see the end results, but that is the

difference between the master builder and the worker.

We are workers, not master builders, ministers, not

messiahs. We are prophets of a future not our own.

~ From the biography of Oscar Romero (1917–1980)

I was reminded of this refreshing and reassuring poem, as once again, everything changes and I am reminded that I am not in control. After a month of celebrating what I felt God was doing, I have to give it back to God, surrender my Isaac. I am disappointed again, not understanding. But as this has happened many times in the last months, I'm noticing a small, but precious change in my response. My theodicy is emerging.

Theodicy is the defense of God's goodness and omnipotence in view of the existence of evil and suffering. In my painting, the rain is discomfort, disappointment, dashed plans. I want to escape it, protect myself from it with my umbrella. Yet now, in the shock of change and crisis, I am reminded of God's faithfulness in previous crises, and I can be comforted... I look up and see that the raindrops are shining. There's gold in the pain. I look up and look back and see how God has shone through the difficult times. Through the pain, He has refined me, drawn me to Himself. His golden goodness and glory have shone in the rain more than the sunny spring days. So I dance. I can rejoice in the knowledge that it's going to be okay. God is still in control. And He is still my perfect Father. 

Is worship beautiful?

How deceptive beauty can be. I was tired that day, it was my day off, and I couldn't get home from the market because the road had been blocked off. Not just with cones, but with 1000 Thai dancers, seated in rows along the baking tarmac in front of the Victory Monument. Immaculately dressed in identical Thai traditional outfits they sat, waiting to dance.

It was the annual ceremony to honour the spirits and welcome them into the town. Three ceremonies were held that same day - one at the City Pillar to honour the territorial spirits, another at the Victory Monument to honour the ancestors who founded the town, and another to honour the spirit of the rice harvest. You'll be happy to find the 2+ hour ceremony condensed into a 2+ minute video below.  

Worshipping the rice spirit

I stood there, listening, my heart burning. They invoked the ancestors, heavenly beings, various territorial spirits and the serpent of the Mekong river to come and reside here. They pledged allegiance, honour, worship on behalf of every organisation, every government official, every family, every person in town. As they chanted, prayed and offered incense, I grieved. How careless our prayers are sometimes, even though we pray to the Most High God, a Living God who actually hears and answers His children. I invited Him there as I sat among the crowds, seeing no other child of God there. I pleaded for mercy from heaven. 

Next came dancers, a different group from the 1000, who still sat on the road. This group was dressed in black. Bowing low, foreheads to the ground, they started a set of dances to honour and mourn the beloved King of Thailand who passed away last year. The King of all Kings was there, unacknowledged. I turned my heart to Him, my beloved. It was no longer us mourning for the king, it was the King, mourning for us.  

Finally, a lady walked to the altar of incense. She prayed and chanted and sang a long time. I did not understand what she sang this time, because she sang in Khmer. Suddenly she screamed and fell. I asked what had happened, and the lady next to me said "She's a spirit medium. The ancestors have now taken over, she is no longer herself." What happened next was too surreal to describe. In shock, I watched as her voice and language, behaviour and demeanour changed completely. Everyone around me was so excited, every eye followed her. After some bizarre behaviour, she said something in ancient Khmer which the people around me interpreted as "Dance!"

At at the command of a deceptive evil spirit in a possessed woman, over 1000 dancers danced in unison. If I did not understand what was going on I would have said it was beautiful. In fact it was the vilest, saddest thing I have seen since being in Thailand. 

The 'City Pillar' sounds pretty harmless doesn't it? It also looks beautiful at first. At its ancient foundations lies human sacrifice to appease territorial spirits. At its centre stands a large Sivaling - the phallus of the Hindu god of destruction. I leave the ancient ritual practices of the temple to your imagination. They believe worshipping here regularly will allow them to live in peace and happiness. 

This is the land I have been asked to bless, to intercede for. The people so lost in darkness, so blind, so helpless, they can't tell darkness from light. My heart is heavy with Father's love for them. 

Let me end with something really beautiful. On Sunday we had a prayer and worship team visit us here. The pastors of the church took us around the spiritual strongholds of Sangkha. We then went back to the church and let loose in worship and prayer, and heaven came down. We soaked in Father's love, His good plans for this people, and we declared it over the land, blessing it in Jesus mighty name. Will you take a moment and join us?  If you receive any words from God while you pray and listen, please drop me an email.

Mountains moved

The new year has brought with it a new season. A season I have longed for, where the battle eases. Where persevering prayer bears fruit and mountains are moved. I have struggled at times to see the silver lining amidst all the grey in the past 5 months... but together we clung to hope, believing that through all the messes, God would work good. And so this month, I am celebrating with relief. Celebrating the grace gifts my Father has given me, hopeless situations he has moulded into beauty. Some of these I can't share publicly, but here are some I can.

After several attempts that did not work, I now have a language teacher I have already grown to love. She is Mae Nope, a joyful, faith-filled, motherly helper God has prepared for me here in Surin. She and her husband have just begun a long awaited dream of building their own house. From cutting down trees to mixing cement, this hardworking pair make me marvel at the abilities God has built into each one of us. And yet she says she feels called to set aside a couple of hours of her day to help me learn Khmer. Pray for this relationship to blossom and bless us both, and for learning to be consistent and fruitful. 

He has also provided a staff worker we need to help us with government paperwork in the Foundation branch we are opening here. In the last several months we had been trying and not found anyone suitable. We finally talked to the church pastors to ask if they could recommend anyone. They racked their brains and came up with no ideas... except to take it to the prayer meeting that was about to begin. At the end of the meeting, a lady called Mot came up to say she thought she could help. We met with her and she does seem to fit the bill. We're still at the beginning stages, and next week are attending a staff worker and branch manager (that's me) training. Pray the training is clear and gives us confidence in this complicated role. Also that if she is the right person, she will stay with us and help us consistently and effectively, long term. 

Praise Him for a sticky visa situation resolved in November, making us legal to stay here in Surin while we await paperwork from the government to open our branch. Pray for this paperwork to be received quickly, and for my visa application next month to go smoothly, so that I can receive another 1 year visa without any problems.

As we wait to officially open our branch, we have had many opportunities to go out in surrounding villages and meet people. Much fruit has come out of these meetings - we have met village leaders and school head teachers to make plans to work together in the coming months to teach Child Protection. Most exciting has been an opportunity to get to know a family in a nearby village who came together to meet us and hear a Jesus story. This month we led our first Discovery Bible Study in Surin with a group of 9 adults, discussing the story of the demon possessed man. Pray for a hunger for God to take hold of their hearts! 

One of the relatives was a 59 year old man dying of stomach cancer... the thinnest man I have ever seen. We visited him 3 times, each time sharing about God and praying for his healing. Last week I felt an urgency to share the gospel with him. He seemed to be more alert than usual, and listened with interest. He wanted to know what he would have to do if he became a child of God. He wanted to know more by reading the Scriptures before he came to a decision. We went to see him this week, expectant. Instead, we arrived at his funeral. I was deeply saddened and shaken by the urgency of our task. We will never know whether the Spirit led him to a decision before his final moments. At least he has the opportunity to hear the truth before it was too late. Walking with the the funeral procession, I felt moved with compassion. These are the lost children, harassed and helpless, sheep without a shepherd. Ask the Lord of the harvest to send out hundreds and thousands of harvesters in Surin, until every villager has access to a church and every household has heard the good news! 

Ot, a friend I am getting to know at church

Lastly, and very importantly, God is providing local friends. Lovely young women who I am slowly getting to know. It takes time and patience. But at least I am seeing glimmers of hope for friendships. Praise God for Yu, Jum, Noi and Benz. None of them know the Lord. But I pray one day they will. Pray with me for these and other friendships to blossom and be a mutual blessing.  

Prayers are answered, joy is restored. But I am keenly aware of the lessons learned in the waiting, and in the fire. They could have been learned no other way. I am thankful that our God is Lord over every season in our lives. And thankful that seasons change!