Look back and laugh

A picture diary of the lighter side of life in Isaan this year :) Click pictures to enlarge.

You have to be a little 'special' to be working here... 

My amazing painting team 

Best house-mates of Christmas' past

My Thai Mum

My adopted niece and nephew in the team

The day I decided to take Sandy home!

Fun and games at a Pioneers conference

At a local ancestor worship festival

Helping lead worship

My two favourite things in one picture -
a vine hanging over a waterfall!

... What happened next??

Family visit - what a laugh!! 

Partners in crime :)

Answer from the mouth of lions

When your ability to live among the people God has called you to is put in jeopardy by paperwork, it suddenly goes from being mind-numbingly boring to taking on utmost importance. The past 2-3 weeks have been tense, as we were told that our stay in S province had become illegal, and we may be arrested and thrown out of Thailand. No we have not been involved in criminal activity, it is just that no one realised that 6 months before we moved here, we should have rented an office, found a staff worker, submitted papers and received permission to open a branch of our organisation here. Without it, we were told we cannot live here as our visa is to work, and at present we are only legal to work in U province. Complicated. So we were given our options by the Head Office.

Plan 1 - Go to Laos (4 hrs)

It seemed the least disruptive option for us was to go to Laos, get a different kind of visa and continue living in S until the paperwork arrived to open the office. We would then have to continue doing these 'border runs' every 3 months. So we collected all our papers, and left S (with me half asleep and not well) at 3:30 am to drive to the Lao border.
...We didn't even get past the Thai border controls. It turned out we were not only illegal to stay in S but illegal to leave the country. We were told (after many phone-calls and brain scrambling conversations) that our only option was:

Plan 2 - Go to U province (4 hrs), then to Laos and back (1 hr), then do Plan 1 again (4 hrs) 

This would be exhausting, very expensive, time wasting and still risky at every step. We may even end up stuck in Laos. Yet we were told it was the only option. We prayed hard as we drove to U. I mobilised my prayer groups, desperate for a way out of this awful mess. Prayers rose together as people across the world stood with us.

At U we first had to stop by our staff worker's house to collect paperwork on the way to Immigration. She is also a good friend. As she tried to piece together the complexities of what had happened and why, and what our options were, she seemed imbued with peace and wisdom. She insisted on going to Immigration with us. She had plan 3 in mind:

Plan 3 - Do not go to Laos but live in 2 provinces until papers are received for S. 
She went in, all calm and confident. She laid out our dilemma and asked the officials what to do. They suggested another way:

Plan 4 - Do not go to Laos. Continue legally in S. Oh and no more border runs.
Our jaws dropped open. From the mouth of those who had the power to arrest us, fine us, or just make life plain unbearable for us, came the miracle that was Plan 4. A plan we never knew existed, or was possible. A plan which allows us to remain where God has led us, with minimal paperwork, expense, time and energy expenditure. A plan only God could have engineered.

My last post was about spiritual warfare. It seems strange to the western mindset that red tape and visa bureaucracy is an issue of spiritual warfare. The past 2 days have proved otherwise. He loves to answer the united cries of His children. He foils the plans of the enemy. He not only shut the mouths of lions for us, but opened their mouths to tell us His answer.

But I believe there was more God was after here than sorting our visa problems, or even showing us His power. He has always been after the character of our heart. That is why James gives us the upside-down wisdom to "Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colours. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work in you so you become mature and well developed, not deficient in any way" (James 1:2-4 MSG)
God created us with such purpose! It's not about me or my problems, but about learning to be like Him. He wants me mature and complete, lacking nothing!  I know I'm not alone in facing issues and problems in these days. They are a sheer gift, if we will only let them do their work in us. Will you join me in thanking Him for them? Will you open your heart, and let Him do the hard work?

Learning to fight

Surin province, now our home,
borders northern Cambodia and consists of three prominent people groups. The majority people group is the Northern Khmer (ethnic Cambodians), Lao, and Kuy. Each people group has its own language, culture, and spiritual customs. The three groups live primarily in harmony and peace, and use Thai as the common trade language.

Because each of these people groups have been living on this land for hundreds of years, their lives have intertwined and the lines of language and culture that would normally divide and distinguish these people groups has blurred, leaving many people intermarried, speaking several or all of the languages. The negative impact of this unity has been the bringing together of three dark belief systems and demonic spiritual practices, as none of these people groups have ever experienced a significant move of God. 

So the Northern Khmer have contributed their dark magic arts, including curses, spells and potions; mixed in with traditional Buddhist beliefs and practices.

The Lao/Isaan have contributed animistic Buddhism, including ancestor worship, spirit doctors, fortune telling, and worship of territorial spirits.

The Kuy have contributed ancient animism, including the worship of wild elephant spirits. They believe that by wearing different parts of the elephant as jewellery, they receive some of the power of the elephant to protect them from weaker evil spirits that may try and attack their life.

At a recent Khmer festival, neighbours go around each house,
inviting the spirits to come and reside there. 

The unholy unity of these three dark forces have combined to form a potent mix unlike any other in Isaan. The fruit of darkness is a snowball effect of sin breaking the lives of the Surin people. 

How does all of this affect our daily lives? Satan is intimidated by us living here as lights in a dark land. He does all he can to intimidate us in return, and attacks have come day in and day out, in various shapes and sizes. It can come as a strange joylessness, trouble sleeping for no reason, heavy discouragement, an inability to pray, problems with our homes, mis-communication, strange attacks from people we had a good relationship-building encounter with, sadness and pain coming to mind when it is time to pray, or overt attacks where an evil spirit tried to overcome me while I slept and prevented me from praying out loud (this only lasted very briefly - I prayed and worshipped in my spirit and the evil spirit had to leave). 

While this is the first time we are experiencing some of these things, none of them are new or intimidating to God. Against all these types of attack, the armour of God is powerful. We are learning what it means to put it on everyday. Learning to pray together everyday, to pray in the Spirit and in song when we don't have words, pray through every part of our houses and declare the authority of Jesus after each time we leave for a few days. The Word is full of powerful truths, they really are the sword of the Spirit. We need to know them and use them, and they do set us free. 

2 Cor 12: 9-10 But he said to me, “My grace is enough for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” So then, I will boast most gladly about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may reside in me. Therefore I am content with weaknesses, with insults, with troubles, with persecutions and difficulties for the sake of Christ, for whenever I am weak, then I am strong.

Please pray with us that the glory of God would penetrate the darkness and bring light to Surin. Pray also for our protection and growing intimacy with God. Only by being filled with His Spirit will we be able to stand, and to move forward in building His kingdom. 

A year's worth of life in a month

I'm pretty sure I've doubled the number of gray hairs on my head in the past month. 

I always thought I had a grateful heart and a positive attitude. Clearly I like to think the best of myself. :)  In his wisdom, God answered my prayer to show me my heart as He sees it and make my heart more like His. I always knew it was a dangerous prayer. 

A month ago I got here and before I could catch my breath I was met with nasty shocks. Circumstantial messes, Satan's kicks and punches, the depth of loss I felt, and my own reaction to it all left me flailing helplessly, floundering. In the stress and busyness it was easy not to carve out time. Precious time. Struggling to keep head over water, I flailed harder. Not surprisingly, it didn't work too well. "You're nothing but a failure", the enemy whispered. "Real missionaries would never find these things hard". Kicks are easily delivered when you're already down. 

Audrey Assad sings in this song:

Fear is a current we all get caught in
And in its motion faith can be so hard to find
And we all falter 'cause we're all broken
We're all just trying to turn the shadows into light but

You get glory in the midst of this
And You're walking with me
And you say I am blessed because of this
So, I choose to believe
As I carry this cross, You'll carry me

I'm one to whom swimming doesn't come easy, and this 'almost drowning' should have reminded me to let go and float.  When you float, you are carried by the very water you have been fighting to stay up in.  Father had His ways.  He reminded me.  As a team we realised we needed to pray together everyday.  I realised I needed to stop, to process and to cry the sticky salty tears with Daddy.  

I was given a book by a dear friend, which is teaching me to cultivate gratitude. It's called 'One Thousand Gifts'. I am reminded that showers of gifts are always coming from Daddy's hand.  It is in my ability to find them, to count them that I can be still, and can find joy.  Challenged to actually list 1000 gifts around me, I am forced to slow down.  As I stop rushing past His gifts and stop taking them for granted, I find I have new eyes.  Finally I begin to float, I see Him all around me in the very circumstances I was struggling against, Him loving me, carrying me.  

 These are some of my 1000 gifts :)

This is what I have been asking for - to be carried higher, go deeper, know Him better.  'Singing in the storm' and 'dancing in the rain' are great ideas... but it can be a process to get there. I like happiness, security, comfort as much as the next person.  Us Christians, we feel we have to be superheroes.  (Missionaries even more so). But it turns out we're faltering, weak. Grief will hurt, changes will challenge, pain isn't a party.  Lamenting is good and right and necessary.  And through the lament, we are held in the arms of Mighty God.  

As we go through the grief of difficult seasons, it becomes soul fertiliser for the next season.  So I'm accepting difficulty, faced with weakness, brought to stillness.  I'm coming through to gratitude and re-finding the joy that I am called to.  

For anyone out there who could do with a little encouragement today, here is A Pep Talk.  The kid speaks truth - "I took the road less travelled... AND IT HURT, MAN!" Haha. 

"If we're all on the same team, let's start acting like it. We've got work to do. We can cry about it, or we can dance about it. You were made to be awesome. Let's get out there!" 

Starting again, again

One of the most stressful experiences ever... so they say about this house moving ordeal. 

But I’ve done it 20 times before… So why is this time so hard? 

I’d said my goodbyes well, cried and prayed through it all

Packed my life into umpteen boxes, even read about handling transition.

Moving day came and the boxes were loaded. Furniture covered to keep off rain. 

As a team family we drove in convoy to our new homes. Anticipation. Trepidation. 

As we pulled in, "What is that stink?

Let’s hope it’s temporary!" we said.

In we went, finding the house swept clean

But the kitchen ceiling on the floor.

My heart sank as I mentally listed

All the issues I had to get fixed

This would be no easy unpacking

No hitting the ground running. 

"I can't do this", I cried 

I'm not the living alone kind."

I was thankful for friends and their help

But dreaded the goodbyes to come. 

Workmen came and went

It got worse and then better,

Then worse, then better

I wonder what the new normal is.

Apparently Satan wasn't happy 

sniping at our heels

With a stinking house, a collapsed ceiling

and to top it off, a scratched car.

As dear friends went back home

My emotions tooks a battering 

I'm so grateful for team

A family who will stay

I know I am flexible, I usually adapt well. 

But I left a full schedule of work and fun

To knowing no-one and living alone… 

and this time for the long haul. 

Whom do I trust?  And how do I talk? 

Where do I buy shelves; and when will this end?

It's just the beginning, I remind myself. Another beginning. 

And Father who was Lord in Ubon, He is still Lord in Sangkha. 

When He calls me to do hard things, He supplies the strength. 

When my heart is fearful and shaky, His love is steadfast. 

Nope, I definitely can't do this on my own.
Not I but Christ within me, the hope of glory. 

Neither can I do it as the Nam I was before. 

I need Him much more than ever before.
I need to go deeper. To seek harder. 

To find who He wants me to be, in this new beginning. 

Uprooted but under control

Just like our poor mango tree, I went to sleep last night blissfully unaware of what was going to happen this morning. Apparently there was a storm last night. I'm told it was pretty bad. Apparently the tree came down before 5 am. But as today was my day off and I did not set an alarm, no storm was going to wake me! I remained soundly sleep while all the neighbours worried, explored, took photos and wondered where we were.




By 9 am, our landlord had already been notified (complete with multiple pictures) by the neighbours, and men with chainsaws were ready to start hacking through the tree to rescue my car, which the eagle-eyed among you may have spotted under the tree above! At this point they finally shouted for me and I jumped out of bed, got dressed and went out to be greeted by this sight. I didn't understand why everyone was so calm and even jovial about it, I guess they had had hours to get over the initial shock! Erin then comes out, saying she had been awake since 7 am, only she'd had headphones in!! While she talked to the landlord, I phoned my insurance company.














Within the hour, the whole tree was chopped up and my car emerged... unscathed! I was almost afraid to believe it, it hardly seemed possible. If it had falled a few degrees to the left, our house would've had a tree embedded in it. A few degrees to the right and my car would have been totalled. God knew it was going to go, and He sent it along the one safe line - 10 degrees out of 360! Soon after that, I was told the neighbour 'Uncle' had called for a truck from the local council - it arrived blaring my favourite Thai song. It felt more like a party than a disaster, as they piled the bits of tree into the truck.

Just as people finally dispersed and I put the kettle on for tea I heard neighbour Aunty sweeping the leaves outside the house. I realised with a sinking feeling that tea, breakfast, a shower would all have to wait. We had looked lazy enough getting out of bed late. So as she opened the gate and came in complete with broom and black bin-bags, we sheepishly went back out, got our brooms and started the clean-up of our garden, drive and street. That was when Aunty said, "Your God really protected you! We may not believe it, but we can see it's true." Praise Him!! Amazing Father!

A trip to the insurance company was next - they would cover any damage. However, the trip to the garage confirmed there was no damage except minor scratches! So I decided a proper clean was in order, as the car had had a rough day...
By 2 pm, there it was, shining in the sun boasting of God's protection. The scratches will just remind me of my Dad's love. How appropriate that yesterday was Father's Day. Instead of me giving Him a gift, He gave me one! A gift so amazing that all the neighbours want to buy lottery tickets with my registration number... I tell them they'd be better off just asking for God's blessing!


Now I thought this was the end of the tree-car saga. I went to show a friend the scratches and ask him if he thought I should do anything about them. Driving back to the house at 5 pm, I found Uncle there, machete in hand, hacking away at the stump. Apparently it just couldn't be left there. This of course turned into another community event, as 2 other men joined the effort to pull out the stump. By 6:30 pm with a lot of hacking and pulling on the count of 1,2,3; it was out! I thanked him with some money and fruit (instead of the whiskey and cigarettes he asked for) and praised God for the end of the story, at least for today.

Never a dull moment. A couple of weeks ago, we think the house was struck by lightning. We bought a new router. Life goes on. ;)

Seeing through the smoke

 It is the season of stubble burning in Isaan. Rice farmers are busy clearing their fields from the stalks of the last crop by burning them, before preparing the ground to plant the new crop. In many ways this is similar to what must happen in my heart in this season of transition. After two and a half years here in Ubon, I am on the brink of yet another transition as I prepare to move with a smaller group to Surin.

I told God that my life has had more than its fair share of transition. Yet God assures me, none is a mistake; every goodbye and every hello has been overseen by Him, planned by Him and borne fruit for Him. Yet these transitions do not get easier with each progressive move. I just hope I get better in dealing with the practical stress and emotional turmoil involved.

"All my life I have been changing... Everybody has to change, or they expire. I want to keep my soul fertile for the changes, so things keep getting born in me, so things keep dying when it is time for things to die. I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago, because a mind was made to figure things out, not to read the same page recurrently" ~ Donald Miller

I am challenged by the idea of keeping my soul fertile by letting things die so that new things can be born in me. Even though life is full of transitions, and even though I know this transition has been carefully planned and ordained for my good by Father God, I am not all that keen on the reality of leaving so many friends who have become family here, handing over ministries I have started and poured myself into, packing up all my belongings and starting everything all over again with a new group of people.

Amy Young writes, "Part of keeping your soul fertile is awareness. Awareness of the kind of person you want to be. Awareness that it is possible to let certain parts die and plant new ones. Awareness that fertile can look fallow on the surface. Awareness that it is hard to let parts of yourself die, but it is necessary. Awareness that you may need to leave to stay you".  This awareness is what I call 'seeing through the smoke'.

It is hard, yet it is possible to do it with grace, if I am holding Daddy God's hand throughout. It is worthwhile if I will let things burn, and allow God to prepare the ground for a new crop. Yes, I want a fertile soul. As I meditate on Psalm 23, I tell God I want to be a sheep who is able to let roles or pastures or flocks go, while following the Shepherd to new ones.