Travels with Jesus

I have been blessed to be able to go away with my family, attend my brother's graduation, attend Focus conference with the Mariners church family, and meet with my Pioneers UK leaders for a time of debriefing, among many other things. There has already been a lot of travelling since I've been back, and there is more to come. 

While it is a joy to see so many of you in this way, and I am utterly thankful to God for providing a car (my old car, no less!) I was not looking forward to travelling alone. That was when Daddy reminded me that I will not be alone. Jesus will be in the plane and in the car with me. And so it has become a joy. 


Isn't that a life lesson for all of us? I am realising that Satan would like nothing better than for us to be bound by fear - fear of what will or won't happen, never-ending "What ifs" hanging over us like ominous clouds, stealing the joy of the present moment. And yet Jesus longs for us to simply trust Him. He has always been faithful. 

Time and again I have been like Martha, "worried and concerned about many things" because is my limited understanding and imagination, I don't know how things are going to turn out tomorrow. In my attempts to control what I cannot control, I lose today's joy in worrying about tomorrow, only to find that tomorrow is in Daddy's hands and I needn't have worried. That's not to say everything will always be easy. But there is always enough grace. 

There are so many testimonies of how Daddy's taking care of me at the moment. One that I want to share is an answered prayer. I had shared a concern with a group of friends from my home church and they had covered the need in prayer - the need for a ministry partner in the coming months. The very next day I received a text message from a team member in Ubon, saying she can't wait for me to come back so that we can do a particular ministry together! How good is our Father? 

How the other half live

Isaan is unusual in that 50% of the population lives in rural areas. Doing a home-stay with a family in the village where I teach gave me insider insights into village life that outsiders can't learn any other way.  As I draw to the end of my first 'term' in Isaan, I feel like these 2 weeks in the village have been representative of my 2 years in Isaan. There have been joys and challenges in equal measure.

Child boxers as young as 7 and 8 in a village festival. While they will win around £20, bets placed on them can be anywhere from  £2 to £1000. The pressure from the community is intense. Makes me wonder about the boys I teach, are they into this?

The language learning curve is steep, and honestly exhausting... I've never been so quiet. There I was, thinking I was doing well with Thai, only for Isaan to bust my bubble. Village communities speak Isaan almost exclusively. A mix of Thai and Lao, Isaan has a very different sound to Thai, and a lot more personality! To understand anything at all, I have to concentrate really hard. So being surrounded by people speaking only Isaan was exhausting and humbling.  You feel like a baby, struggling to keep up with conversations (of which there are usually several going on at the same time), pretending to laugh along with jokes (which is usually met with a sympathetic "you didn't get it, did you?"), and not wanting to bother people to translate into Thai all the time. In this first term I have made good progress in Thai. But my time in the village has made me desperate to be able to communicate in their heart language, Isaan.

So it was a wonderful blessing to spend time with kids. They are so much easier than grown-ups! They are willing to speak Thai, teaching me phrases in Isaan, repeating them with their gorgeous grin till I get the tones just right. Every day after school we had bigger and bigger groups of kids coming to see us at the house, until eventually we had to move to the school grounds. We played games, taught them songs and stories about God in Thai and English, then had them act out the stories in Isaan. They couldn't seem to get enough of it. I'm so used to kids getting bored quickly - these would happily sing a song 20 times... and they'd practise the words in their lunch break!! 

Chopping eucalyptus trees

Making dried mango roll-ups to snack on. 

Red ants - all stages of the lifecycle are

"yummy". It's an acquired taste...

The work ethic of Isaan people has often been a mystery to me - at first glance it would appear they simply sit around for most of the day. I now realise that as an extended family unit they are endlessly busy with an amazing array of ways to put food on the family plate. My host family planted rice, grew and sold eucalyptus trees, farmed fish, raised chickens, ducks and cattle, had a corner shop and coffee stand at the house, sold snacks at the weekly market, sold lottery tickets on the black market and worked with a franchise in Bangkok. Besides this, they regularly went out into the forest to forage for wild mushrooms, bamboo shoots, red ants and all kinds of wild herbs to add to their food. 

Why they need to do all this is also now clear - they don't just provide for their immediate family, but the extended family - which includes most of the village and many in the surrounding villages. The house I stayed in was the family home for 8 people of 3 generations. Add to that seemingly constant visits by the endless relatives, and you never know who is going to join you for lunch, dinner or a snack. Collectivist culture means everyone is always welcome. Kids live in and out of each other's family houses. All of this means that quiet or alone time is non-existent. Why you'd want it anyway is a mystery to them!

Furniture is optional. Most of us have a very different definition of necessities than the Isaan village person. There I was, missing sitting on a sofa; while their bedroom slept 6 people, and contained 2 beds (1 piled with stuff), a TV and a couple of fans. When all you need to sleep is the floor, sleepovers are easy too!

Bathrooms are also optional. On a visit to a friend's house where there was no running water, we discovered showers are regularly taken outdoors. They actually have an enclosed toilet with a bucket of water (which is where I showered), but they are used to showering in a sarong next to the water tank. Ingenious.

Fear is pervasive. Fear of the dark, fear of the river, lightning storms, being alone... most of which at their root, are a fear of evil spirits. Not a day would go by that I would not hear a child or adult express this fear. It cripples them. I wondered why until I discovered that one of the ladies we regularly visit had become possessed by an evil spirit, and that this is commonplace. She hadn't slept for 2 weeks and was in constant pain. She had been to see the spirit doctor, but the painful rituals and amulets she wore hadn't yet worked. The spirit had threatened to eat her insides and eventually kill her if she was left alone. All this was said in front of her ten year old son. He has even witnessed the agony of his mother at the spirit doctor's ritual. Fear perpetuates. 

What saddened me is that she had heard some stories of Jesus. She had noticed that Jesus only had to speak the word and spirits fled. But despite her suffering, she preferred the 'devil she knew'. Jesus is the risky, unknown, foreign God that they are afraid to ask for help. What repercussions will the family face from the spirits and ancestors if Jesus was to intervene? What would people say? Different fears take over, and she remains bound. Only prayer can change this. In a collective culture like Daniel's, where all the children chant and bow together in Buddhist rituals and ceremonies at the temple and at school, what would it take for one to refuse? 

It would take a supernatural move of God. I believe it is a matter of time... He is able, and working in their hearts. This is why we need to pray like we mean it, and keep showing them Jesus until they fall in love with Him. He intends for each precious child, every hardworking adult, every drunk man, every tattooed spirit doctor, everyone created in His image, to live free. That is my prayer for these people I have come to love. 

Growing pains

Life can seem a tangled mess on Earth...

It seems I am always growing… I wonder when I will actually ‘grow up’. I know, growth is a good thing, it means new beginnings and excitement and enlarged capacity. But that involves stretching and growing pains, uncertainty, vulnerability… weakness. I wonder when I will finally feel I’ve arrived. I know the answer and yet it feels like a fresh discovery - the transformation is only complete in heaven. Until then we really are far from home, citizens in a foreign country, where we don’t quite belong.

So why the growing pains? Yes, I want to be more like Jesus. But somehow I would rather bypass the chiselling, because it hurts. The pain is my inner protest because I want to retain control, by having God chisel where I want.

And I'm drawn back to the call I have answered, the call that brings unparalleled joy, eternal purpose and completeness: 

To to worship Him alone. 

To realise that my life no longer belongs to me.

That I no longer sit in the driving seat.

... home is heaven, with no more mess.

That my God is good, He is loving. And He is sovereign. 

That life is NOT about me, it is about Him. 

When everything is going according to my plan, it's easy to trust God. But if we're not careful, we can sometimes wrap the gospel in glitter paper. Yes, we live the resurrection life, the abundant life, we have access to joy and peace which are not of this world. But the fact is, this supernatural fruit is grown through dying daily. 

2 Cor 4:7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned;struck down, but not destroyed. 10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11 For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. 

The Corinthians believed that adversity was inconsistent with the Spirit-filled Christian life, let alone with the gospel ministry. Paul, on the other hand, maintained that God's power is seen most effectively through ministerial hardship and distress. These are not only growth pains, but death pains in the normal Christian life. While like to sing songs about Surrender, actually doing it is a little more like dying. We like to be in control of our circumstances and operate from a position of strength. But Jesus being Lord of my life means giving up my right to be in control, and ministering from brokenness. It is in our very weakness that the resurrection life of Jesus is revealed.

George Mueller said of his secret of service to God: "There was a day when I died, utterly died: died to George Mueller, his opinions, preferences, tastes and will - died to the world, its approval or censure, died to the approval or blame even of my brethren and friends - and since then I have studied only to show myself approved unto God."* 

I bet it didn't really happen in a day, and we can be sure there was much pain involved. Why do I forget this so often? I can sometimes live and pray and talk as if God is about making me happy. Until God allows growing pains - or more accurately, dying pains. Why? Because death must come before the resurrection. Sorrow before strength. Pain paves the way for the life of power.

Henri Nouwen writes, "To be healed of resentment and move into gratitude requires me to dance - to believe again, even amid my pain, that God will orchestrate and guide my life. The mystery of the dance is that its movements are discovered in taking the steps one by one: some slow, some quick. Some smooth, some not. If all steps on the journey are movements of grace, we can be grateful for every moment we have lived, knowing that all is grace."^

And if once we start to see that all is grace, we can begin to agree with the apostle Paul: 

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Cor 4:16 )

For anyone with whom this strikes a chord, who needs a little perspective and encouragement, here's a fantastic sermon by Steven Furtick in his series #DeathToSelfie

'Just because the Bible says God works all things together for our good, does not mean everything feels good all the time. But it’s often our times of greatest struggle that we can gain the most strength and increase our faith. In the final part of our series #DeathToSelfie, Pastor Steven uses the story of Jacob renaming his son Benjamin to show us that, though there are circumstances in our lives we didn't choose to go through, God has given us the rights to call any circumstance a blessing in His name.'

* from Jesus Driven Ministry by A. Fernando. p82

^ from Spiritual Formation by Henri Nouwen. 

Ambushed

When I don't understand 

and wonder if He cares... 

Where are you Lord? 

Unanswered questions 

and unexpected tears

Where are you Lord? 

I blame Him, 

then run to Him

Where are you Lord? 

Hammer at His door, 

then ignore Him

Where are you Lord? 

Hear His voice, 

then wonder if I did

Where are you Lord? 

Blinded by emotion,

too scared to believe

Where are you Lord? 

And then He shows up

When I least expect it ~

Could it be You Lord?

I hear myself tell a neighbour

what life with Him is about

Do I believe what I teach?

Truth ministers to me

through my own mouth.

So you're really with me Lord?

Ambushed by Father

His arms outstretched

Will you let Me hold you? 

If you love Me

more than these,

will you feed My sheep?

As you feed them

with the truth you know,

Let me feed you with Mine?

When you don't understand

still will you trust Me,

Let Me be your everything?

Come as you are

In all my time here in Isaan, I have eaten Isaan food, tried to speak Isaan, and laid awake in bed to many a blaring Isaan karaoke party. But the vast majority of Isaan churches don’t do ‘Isaan church’! Missionary traditions die hard. We Westerners have a lot to answer for. An Isaan believer will spend most days living a simple, Isaan village life. But on Sundays at Church, things are different. Suddenly you need chairs to sit on, in rows. You stand to sing, sit for the sermon. You serve Communion from little cups, have a stage, and a red or blue curtain with a cross on it. And you sing songs that were originally in English so have western melodies, but have been translated into Thai (not Isaan, their heart language)... and we wonder why Thais think Christianity is not for them!

In the words of the one and only Sanka Coffie (Cool Runnings), "All I'm saying, man, is if we walk Jamaican, talk Jamaican, and *is* Jamaican, then we sure as hell better bobsled Jamaican!" And so after spending so long seeing people walk Isaan, talk Isaan and *is* Isaan, I finally had the opportunity to see them worship Isaan style! As soon as they started to play the Phin (Isaan guitar) and the Isaan pipes, the ladies were feeling the rhythm. They could not keep from dancing! Beautiful, graceful Isaan dancing to Isaan instruments and melodies thrilled their heart, you could see the joy in their faces. It was truly a taste of heaven, where every tongue and tribe will worship God in the distinct way they were created!

A week later, I was able to witness it again, as we connected our new believers (see last month's blog) to their nearest church, which happened to be another rare, authentically Isaan body of believers, eating sticky rice instead of bread for Communion. When I showed the video to my guitar teacher, who is exploring Christianity and loves listening to western worship music, he was incredulous. “Can we use these Isaan instruments and melodies to sing to God? It's not wrong?!" he asked. What a tragedy that such a question should come so naturally. The number of churches in Isaan is tiny, and among those, the percentage that express their faith in an authentically Isaan way is even tinier. 

Do you come as you are or put on a show? We know that God is most interested in our heart, outward appearances won't fool Him. Spirit and truth is what He is after. But what about language and style? Can you worship in English or do you have to sing and talk to God in Latin?  Are you a hymn person, or a Hillsong person? A hands in pockets worshipper or flag waver? A drummer or a Quaker? Most likely, you are one of the privileged few in the world (see statistics below*) to have the Bible in your heart language, moreover in all kinds of interesting translations and colourful covers! And access to a bewildering choice of worship music to use in your heart language. It is so easy for us to be ourselves in His presence. Are we making the most of it? 

* Out of almost 7000 languages in use today, over 500 have the complete translated Bible. Over 1800 languages (~180 mill ppl) still need a Bible translation project to begin. 

More than we dreamed

Ephesians 3The Message (MSG)

20-21 God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

Another Friday at the cancer hospital

Why does it always feel so hard?

Short of time, energy and motivation, distracted.

But little did we know, the Spirit had plans.

Over oranges on bamboo beds, Phii Aw unloads

Tragedy, grief and cancer have together eaten her hope.

But Hope breaks in, resonates as Truth.

For the poor in spirit the Saviour has come.

Her eyes brighten, her spirit responds

The week before Christmas a new child is born!

The angels rejoiced, and we did on earth

This new child in the kingdom shares with all who would hear.

In the outpatients ward they gossiped the good news -

“We don’t turn on the TV, we hear stories of Jesus”.

Within a week, she had read through Luke

Though poor and unschooled, she lapped up the Truth.

“I want what she’s got” … as hunger sparked hunger -

“Tell me more about Jesus” pleaded her room-mate, Kaap.

Though we of little faith were slow to see,

The Spirit was at work, more than we could have believed.

A Bible study for one was delivered to three –

Thirsty hearts drank it in, “this story is about me.”

“Could there really be a love like this?

If this is really true, then I want in.”

So from one to three new daughters of Christ

Their joy none could fathom, they had found new life.

Open hearted, unashamed, they wear with pride

Love for their Saviour, hunger for His light.

In this short window of relationship, seeds have sprouted

Now back in their homes may fires of faith be ignited.

The King’s kingdom consists of such childlike faith

In his Faithful hands we leave Aw, Kaap and Phen.

Stories from the 'hood

The Kids Club at our house on Saturdays has probably been as much a cultural education for us, as for the children who attend, and see us doing things probably very differently to what they are used to. Thankfully, they don't laugh at our language mistakes, and strange ways.

Cultural lessons have included the surprise element each week about when the club is going to begin. At times we get children turning up at our door an hour early and wanting to play; other times they are half an hour late, with no explanation. This fluid concept of time and appointments extends to most of our meetings, especially in the villages - Isaan people, like most of the world, don't live by the clock and it's almost impossible for them to schedule things because they simply take each day as it comes. Although this is frustrating for the planner in me, it is definitely teaching me to just chill and take things as they come.

A favourite activity was doing this group painting after learning the story of Creation.
We are aiming to teach the stories using the Discovery method, where they learn the story well so they are able to retell it, then think about what it teaches them about God, themselves and how this applies to their lives. One week, after learning the Bible story of the fall of man, one little girl asked, "Can I tell a story about a scary ghost now?" This is such a prevalent subject here, we are beginning to get used to it but it still saddens us that evil spirits are such a commonly acknowledged presence here and have such a grip of fear over hearts. We were able to ask her in relation to the Creation and Fall of man story, "Who is most powerful?", "Where does fear and evil come from?" for her to discover that as children of an all-powerful God we have no reason to fear, and should not give Satan and his spirits a place in our lives or thoughts.

This is Aunty Uu and her daughter Kaew. They own and run little corner shops down my street. On the day we moved into this house, I ventured into Uu's shop looking for something. We started chatting, and very quickly struck up a great friendship. She and Kaew have become like family to me, sharing laughs, stories, encouragement and prayers over food every Friday. Uu is a very religious folk-Buddhist, incorporating a little of everything she likes into her faith. Both wanted to come to church with me. When Uu visited, God gave someone in the house church a word of knowledge about a pain in her side that she has had for a long time. We prayed, and she was amazed at how God would care to give someone that knowledge. The next week she said the pain was much better, and that now she worships both Jesus and Buddha. Such a response came as such a disappointment to me, but it is natural considering the deeply embedded worldview she has built up over her whole life. Only the Holy Spirit can lift the veil over her heart. Please pray for her, and for Kaew, who also encountered God when she visited.

The apostle Paul wrote, "When I came to you, I did not come with eloquence or human wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power." (1 Cor 2:1-5).

This gives me no end of encouragement and fuel for prayer.

Today we saw this Scripture in action. We visited the cancer hospital, feeling quite unmotivated and apprehensive. All the patients we knew had gone home. We never know how well we will be received or what we should do. It is a weekly exercise in trusting the leading of the Spirit. But all we had to be was available, and God arranged the rest. Minutes after we sat down, one patient started to pour out her heart to us. She had been through 3 life-shattering events during this year and her heart was in pieces. She listened intently as we shared the hope of the gospel with her, and testimonies from our own lives. She was ready to receive Jesus, and we led her in prayer. She kept saying she felt better, and felt the peace of the Spirit filling her as we invited His presence into her life. Then we sang worship songs and she was keen to sing along. Her first offering of worship to the Living God - a fulfilment of the purpose that she was created for.

Is there any greater joy in life than this? As Christmas approaches, I am filled with inexpressible joy that Jesus came, and keeps coming. All he needs is our invitation.